Love is more than the words we speak. Colleen and I were reflecting on who said “I love you” first. We could not recall, but since I chased her like a puppy dog from day one, there is a good chance it was me. Just like many young couples, we had no idea what love was at that point. Our concept of love was probably close to what Hollywood portrayed to us in the movies.
We promised each other “for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse” at our wedding. Being the young, healthy 20 somethings with our careers just beginning, for “poorer” and “worse” did not register with us. We said “I love you” with gifts. The bigger and “more special” the present, the more we must love each other. Right? I can remember our wedding rings had to be perfect. By perfect, I mean expensive. Looking back on it, we did not have the maturity or emotional tools required for a deeper connection at the time.
We said “I love you” quite often. We threw this phrase around almost as casual as a hello. However, in times where we needed to sacrifice, our actions didn’t always back this up. Love did not take on a deeper meaning in our marriage until times started to get tough. The challenges in our lives where our true love started to build did not begin with Colleens Ataxia. It was instead when we experienced deaths in our families. Colleen lost her brother, and I lost my mother within a few years of each other. These were probably the most challenging times we faced individually to this point in our lives. We were there for each other the best we knew how. These experiences were our first real lesson on the value of time and how fragile life can be.
When Colleens Ataxia started reaching a point where it affected how we must live our lives, love started becoming an action word. Also, around this time is when my alcoholism started progressing. Saying “I love you” was not enough; we needed to show it with our actions. Colleen showed me her love by sacrificing essential things when I started traveling more for work, which migrated into enduring the progression of my drinking. What a profound expression of love and sacrifice. Today she expresses her love for me by her emotional stability when I get off-center. She reminds me often that everything will be ok.
I started showing her my love when I had to dedicate more time to care for her. At first, it was spending a little more time at home accepting responsibility for tasks she previously managed. I gave up my sales job, which allowed me to work from home to care for her better. Ultimately I had to give up my career and life of stability to start this phase of our life.
Since we have been treating love as an action word, our marriage has progressed to another level. Today we can say with confidence that we would do ANYTHING in our power to make each other happy. Early in our relationship, we sought happiness first; then, we would share what was leftover. Today, we know that we can experience our unique joy and happiness through sacrifice and service to each other. Today “For poorer and for worse” has become a reality for us in the earthly realm. We are pretty rich in our emotional connection, which contributes to why we are the happiest we have ever been.
