When we decided to write this blog, we decided above all it was going to be honest. We believe we been blessed with a manner of living in a very difficult situation with joy and grace. With this said, there are many questions in our life that are largely unanswered. By no means do we have it all figured out; far from it in fact. I am not sure how well this post will flow because my mind is not really focused right now, but I will do my best to organize my thoughts.
If you have followed our story somewhat, you know we made a decision to make a huge life change about 18 months ago. We left the life we had always known to explore the country and spend our time together. We saw more of this country in 12 months than we had the previous 24 years (combined). TIME explains the whole motivation really. We know that time is not on our side, at least how we know life today in this moment. Colleens condition is ever changing. We are facing new challenges just about everyday. These changes are happening quicker than we are able to gain the tools required to deal with them.
With last year behind us, we do not have the desire or the ability to travel like that again. We believe that opportunity was presented to us at a very specific time in our lives. We seized the opportunity and now we are ready to move to the next phase of our life (whatever that it may be). We are back in Yuma, AZ for a few different reasons. One of these reasons is the weather. It is tough to find a place around with better winter weather than Yuma. This time of year most days are sunny and the temperatures are between 65 and 80 degrees. Colleen is very sensitive to temperature these days, hot and cold. This means Yuma is a great place to be until about April or May then it starts to warm up pretty rapidly. We have intentions on heading to the northwestern states after April. Another reason we are back here is because of the sense of belonging. When we started here last year there was something about this community that we fell in love with. We made friends quickly after we arrived. Our friends and the community have made us feel very welcome.
There are only 2 things that are really important in my life: staying sober and caring for Colleen. If i do the first, the second one will simply follow suit. I will share a bit about caring for Colleen for no other purpose than to offer perspective on the situation. We both believe our life is not better or worse than anyone else’s, just different.
Caring for Colleen is a 24/7 affair. My days start by taking the actions I need to maintain my physical and emotional sobriety. From the time Colleen wakes up the daily cycle begins. Since she is non-ambulatory, she needs help with many ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living). I wont bore you with our entire daily routine, but to put it into something you can visualize; every time Colleen needs to move out of her chair I have to be there to help. The rest of my time is spent running errands, cooking and caring for the dogs. Colleen and I try to get out and do something most days of the week. One of our favorite activities is getting coffee. We are fortunate to have a couple of coffee shops down the street to choose from. This at least offers Colleen the opportunity to get outside for a bit. By the end of the day I am spent. I was able to weather the storm while we traveled, but this is not going to work long term. This schedule is taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. If it continues for too long, I will be rendered useless for the both of us.
The most obvious solution would be to have someone come in to help care for her. We did try this back in Wisconsin for awhile. The first caregiver Colleen really liked, but after a few months she moved on to another job. The next one Colleen did not care much for. The company offered to change caregivers if she did not click with, however we could see this was going to be the pattern moving forward. Colleen is much like me that she does not like change. Working with a caregiver is quite an intimate experience for Colleen. Having a high comfort level is very important. We are exploring these options again.
If this much time is required to care of her, you might ask when do I have time to work? That is a very good question that we do not have an answer to yet. When I left my job at the beginning of this journey, we decided that we were going to spend the year together traveling then address this question. We are seeking answers to this question right now. I can very well find a job and leave Colleens care to a professional, but this would mean our time together would be limited. As we see it, time is our most valuable blessing. No matter how much money you have, you cannot buy it, borrow it or lend it. Time can only be enjoyed in the present moment.
So as you can see there are a lot of moving parts in our life today. There is much we do not have figured out. These details however will not deter us from living our lives with joy. Living with joy is one thing we do have control over and we insist upon it.
