Unity Before Work

I took notice of Colleen’s work ethic from the time we first met in college. She was working full time, took a full class load, and was involved with the University Center Activities Board. By the fall semester of her senior year, she also took responsibility for planning our wedding. I am still in awe of this. 

Colleen had an incredible talent for managing several large projects simultaneously; I do not have that talent. I am more of a One Ball Juggler. When I attempted to work full time and go to school full time, I nearly had a nervous breakdown. My inability to balance major endeavors was a foreshadowing of things to come.

Her Life, My Life, and Our Life

When we were first married, Colleen had her life; I had my life, then there was our life. Our individual lives ran independently of each other, filled mainly with our jobs until Colleens condition reached a point where she needed more assistance. I stopped traveling for work so I could better care for her. Shortly thereafter, Colleen had to retire from work because she could no longer fulfill her work duties. Our lives started to meld together.

Less than a year after Colleen retired, we decided to travel the country, which required me to leave my job. While we traveled, the question of work always loomed in my mind. At some point, I had to go back to work. I predominantly let go of the idea so we could enjoy ourselves on the road. After we settled in our apartment, the question of how I could work and care for Colleen resurfaced. 

An Opportunity To Work

I recently had an opportunity to start a business out of our apartment that appeared to answer that question. This idea was very exciting. I started formulating a plan on how this would come together. I even performed a time study to determine how many hours a day I could dedicate to it. My focus on this idea grew. I devoted all of my free time along with sacrificing a lot of sleep, attempting to make it work. 

There were plenty of hours in the day; however, I could not adequately split my focus. I was doing what was required to care for Colleen, but my mind was on this business idea. Soon I was getting agitated, having to fulfill my responsibilities as a caregiver. It was time to take a step back.

The One Thing

I recalled a scene from the movie City Slickers. Curly Washburn (played by Jack Palance) is talking to Mitch Robbins (played by Billy Crystal) about making choices in life. Curly explains to Mitch, “Do you know what the secret of life is?” Mitch replies, “No, what?” Curly holds up his index finger and says, “This!” Mitch says, “Your finger?” Curly replies, “One thing, just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean s#!t”. 

We didn’t know it at the time, but our One Thing was taking shape. As Colleen’s condition progressed, our individual lives started intertwining. I took an interest in gardening. I loved the process of creating a beautiful space for Colleen to enjoy. My love for running became our love for running when I pushed her in races. Then, of course, we set out to travel the country.

At some point in the future, the right opportunity to work will come along. Like so many things in our life, I just have to be patient and allow it to happen instead of chasing after it. A good friend of mine often reminds me to simply surrender (to God), trust (in God), and watch life unfold.

Two Lives Become One

Part of our wedding ceremony was the ritual of lighting the “Unity Candle”. During this ritual, the bride and groom each take a smaller lighted candles. Using those candles, they together light the larger Unity Candle in the middle.
The bride and groom then blow out the smaller candles, showing in a symbolic way that their two lives are now blended into one. Little did we know at the time how accurate this symbolism would become an active part in our life.